k a t i e   z a f f r a n n
  • i am jim thompson
  • May13th

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    I was reminded last week, amidst the bustle of rehearsals for our I Am Jim Thompson reading as well as returning from a weekend away; day job work here in town; and all the other stuff of life, just how important it is to take time off. Not out connecting with friends… off. Not surfing facebook… OFF. How draining it can be to be an actor… to cram into a week the exploration of a character who doesn’t have the happiest of journeys… not to mention a journey for which I’ve got baggage packed and ready to go.

    I’m not sure the body knows the difference between the emotions we experience onstage and those we do in real life (provided, I suppose, that those onstage are more than surface-level). Emotion is chemical, after all, which is one way to explain why we fall into life patterns and relationship patterns: we become addicted, or at least accustomed, to the chemicals we are used to receiving. But who is to explain to those chemicals that on Sunday night I would be having grievous fights with my significant other, but don’t worry, they’re not real?

    It wasn’t until I couldn’t string a sentence together last Saturday morning that I realized I’d pushed it too far, and it wasn’t until that night after a three-hour nap and some QT staring at the wall that I started to come around. Why do we let ourselves get that far out of whack?

    In The Artist’s Way, a wonderful book/process by Julia Cameron that I followed some years ago, she writes of the creative life and ways to work through the obstacles that keep us from being the creative geniuses we’re meant to be. When we create, however we do it, we draw on our inner reserves of energy and flow and genius or whatever you want to call it. We take what we need from what we’ve got stored up, like a well or a bank account, and spend it on what we’re making. But equally important to this process is making deposits back into the account; soaking up some soulful goodness; refilling the proverbial well.

    So I’ve spent this week in recovery mode: getting a massage, working the puzzle, going yarn shopping. I had a few glasses of wine and listened to The Tobolowsky Files. I even let myself get bored.

    Because I figured that if I had gotten so far out of balance the other way, I probably needed more refill time than I originally would have gauged. And I was right — it wasn’t til this morning that I was rarin’ to go, exercising, working on my script, writing this post. So for awhile I may need to let the pendulum swing, until I start to learn what the first warning signs are… all the ones that come before I’m dragging my comatose carcass around.

    How about you: What are your warning signs? How do you refill the well?

  • May4th

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    Help. I seem to be having that age-old actor’s dilemma: how do you play a character you don’t like? Or perhaps more accurately: one you don’t want to be?

    I’m in rehearsals this week for a workshop/reading of I Am Jim Thompson, a new musical based on the true story of an American spy-turned-businessman credited for revitalizing the Thai silk industry. I’ve done this show before, playing a different role — that of the good friend, the trusted confidante who wants to marry the man but knows she never will… but also knows she knows him better than anyone else on earth. The fabulously witty partner in crime, holding court at a party, who may live a life of unrequited love, but that’s probably some of her doing, too. She might have her walls up, but she’s his equal, and more than, and she knows it. And anyway, the audience loves her, and knows it too.

    But now I’m playing the wife, the dutiful wife, the wife he cheats on, the wife he leaves, the wife who never really understands what else he might want in the world. The wife he eventually looks back on, and misses, but never goes back to. The wife the audience might sympathize with; the wife who does get those few fleeting moments of blissful love; but who can’t let go, and eventually, she’s the wife we mostly just feel sorry for.

    She’s the woman I never want to be. The woman who can’t see what’s in front of her face, who only wants to believe in fairytale endings, who won’t loosen her death-grip on her relationship to let some fresh air in before it asphyxiates. Back when I was playing Ms. Fabulous, I completely understood why she was the woman he left.

    But now I have to get into her skin, and I don’t want to, because the real issue is that she’s the woman I once was. I know what it’s like to be cheated on, to want the Perfect Ending so badly I was willing to put up with anything and everything if it meant we would stay together. I know what it’s like to ignore my intuition for months, years, to turn a blind eye to all the signs I didn’t want to see. Because we did have those few fleeting moments of love, didn’t we? But I’ve worked so hard to purge myself of that needy, frightened, Self-less girl that I don’t want to believe there’s anything left in me that knows how to play this role. I see this character in movies and scoff, identifying only with the boyfriend, the husband who wants out. Can’t she see she’s suffocating him? No. She can’t. Not til it’s too late.

    But this is what we sign up for as actors, isn’t it? Not just to be the star of the show, the grand dame, the leading debonair gentleman; but to breathe pathos into the underdog, the misrepresented, the poor bastard stepchildren and overly needy wives, the Edmunds of the world. To put ourselves into shoes we wish didn’t fit us so well. To leave untouched just enough of all the things we don’t like about ourselves, because you never know when you might need them again.

  • May14th

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    Better late than never… here are some production stills from February’s production of I Am Jim Thompson at the Wings Theater — all photos by Ale de Vries

    with Jimmy Helms

    from left: Daniel Bonthius, Elisabeth Ness, Sarah Fischbeck, Jimmy Helms, Steven Sun, myself, Jenny Lee Anaya, Jan DiPietro

  • February16th

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    On Easter Sunday 1967, Jim Thompson, an American businessman credited with revitalizing the Thai silk industry, mysteriously disappeared while taking a walk in the Cameron Highlands of Malaysia. To this day he has not been found.

    A Workshop Production
    Music by Mark T. Evans / Lyrics by Eric Kubo / Book by Zac Kline
    Directed by Blake Bradford with Musical Staging by Clare Cook

    February 18, 25, 28 at 8 PM; 19, 20, 26, 27 at 7 PM

    at the Wings Theatre, 154 Christopher St

    Tickets $20 / $15 students with ID, available here.

  • February2nd

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    The Works of Somerset Maugham: Nine Novels in One Volume (Kindle edition)

    Well, I got a Kindle for Christmas, and to the chagrin of my inner Luddite, I have been loving this thing on the subway. And 9 novels for $.99 – who can argue?

    Later this month I will appear in I Am Jim Thompson, a new musical with music by Mark T. Evans, lyrics by Eric Kubo and book by Zac Kline, directed by Blake Bradford. The show is based on the real Jim Thompson, an American soldier and spy who revitalized the Thai silk industry in the mid-20th century, before disappearing into the jungle in Malaysia. My character is Jim’s friend and companion in Thailand, a British expatriate based on his real friend Connie Mangskau. Jim and Connie, apparently, threw amazing parties – legendary parties – and almost every time I walk onstage it’s with a martini glass and a cigarette.

    Research is quite possibly one of my favorite parts of being an actor. When I was young I used to love reading historical fiction, and when I travel, especially to Europe — cities with centuries-old structures — or even cobblestone-filled downtown Manhattan — I find myself walking the streets and imagining another girl, in another time, whose feet touched these same stones. Where was she going? Was she alone – could she be? What was she wearing, what did she smell and hear and see, who had she left behind at home and what circumstances awaited her at her destination? Asking and answering these kinds of questions for a new character – especially one in another place and time – grounds me in a reality often quite different from contemporary New York.

    So I’m reading Somerset Maugham so that I can deliver a line about socializing with him in Bangkok. I decided to begin with The Moon and Sixpence, based on the life of Paul Gauguin (lots of artists riffing on other artists around these parts!). Through the novel’s protagonist (a writer), Maugham has his own take on the artist’s “research”:

    Until long habit has blunted the sensibility, there is something disconcerting to the writer in the instinct which causes him to take an interest in the singularities of human nature so absorbing that his moral sense is powerless against it. He recognises in himself an artistic satisfaction in the contemplation of evil which a little startles him; but sincerity forces him to confess that the disapproval he feels for certain actions is not nearly so strong as his curiosity in their reasons. The character of a scoundrel, logical and complete, has a fascination for his creator which is an outrage to law and order. I expect that Shakespeare devised Iago with a gusto which he never knew when, weaving moonbeams with his fancy, he imagined Desdemona. It may be that in his rogues the writer gratifies instincts deep-rooted in him, which the manners and customs of a civilised world have forced back to the mysterious recesses of his subconscious. In giving to the character of his invention flesh and bones he is giving life to that part of himself which finds no other means of expression. His satisfaction is a sense of liberation.
    The writer is more concerned to know than to judge.

    And then he has this to say — through the character of an art dealer in Paris who recognizes the Gauguin character’s genius when the rest of the world finds his paintings hideous:

    “Why should you think that beauty, which is the most precious thing in the world, lies like a stone on the beach for the careless passer-by to pick up idly? Beauty is something wonderful and strange that the artist fashions out of the chaos of the world in the torment of his soul. And when he has made it, it is not given to all to know it. To recognize it you must repeat the adventure of the artist. It is a melody that he sings to you, and to hear it again in your own heart you want knowledge and sensitiveness and imagination.”

    Do you hear the melody of beauty — have you been on the adventure of the artist?